I have been pondering a new dating trend, the devil art of ghosting. Online dating seems to bring out the worst in people. There seems to be a real disconnect in the way people relate to each other. People have stopped treating each other with respect and as human beings.
I’m a big girl I can take rejection but being completely ignored is uncool. I’m a big believer in treating people with respect. To be clear I don’t mean someone you’ve shared a casual date and a few lines of banter, I mean someone you’ve shared a level of connection with. It’s not hard to say to someone you’ve dated a few times, shared intimate details about yourself with or even been intimate with that you don’t see a future. I have to question why? How can you go from I really like you and think you are amazing to just pretending like someone does not exist?
I’ve asked a number of dates about ghosting. It seems that many just see it as a way to avoid a confrontation or hurting someone’s feelings. Here is the thing though, you hurt someone much less if you’re honest and allow them the opportunity to move on. You are not saving them hurt, you’re just saving yourself having to see the hurt. It turns out that ghosting hurts. In my research I came across my articles including this one in Psychology today:
I’ve been very clear to everyone i’ve dated, don’t ghost me. I’m a big girl and I can take someone not liking me, it’s ok really i’m not for everyone. It would be weird if I was. Yet i’ve still had that experience and quite frankly it makes me think much much less of these guys. I often wonder how I could have liked them in the first place. Like how was my judgement so soo soooo very wrong.
I know it’s not just men who ghost but also women. I know both and men and women have the ability to be giant douche bags. I think we all need to be kinder to each other and actually communicate. I promise you it might suck a little bit but it’s easier than not answering your phone for months.
Let’s talk about your experiences with ghosting? I’m curious to know how you feel?